Almost anyone watching the news or reading the paper over the past few months has undoubtedly heard about attorney and mom Amy Chua’s book and accompanying Wall Street Journal piece about Tiger Mom parenting. If you somehow missed out on just what a Tiger Mom is, here is the essential factor: they are defined by their refusal to accept anything but the best from their children, pushing them extraordinarily hard (even insulting, threatening, and berating) to achieve academically and musically, often at the cost of fun and friendships.
Needless to say, there are more than a few parents out there who have disagreed with Chua’s take on what makes a good parent, and she’s taken quite a bit of heat for her hard line stance. She isn’t, however, alone in her approach to child rearing, and many parents out there were Tiger Moms (and dads) without even knowing it. These Tiger Parents have even sparked some educational and cultural trends that, despite many others finding them a bit unsettling, are often becoming increasingly common. We’ve collected a few of them here, showcasing the real impact of the success-at-all-costs approach.
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Raising a truly global child
Bilingualism is an essential component of any tried and true Tiger Mom’s plans for her kids, and some parents are now taking it to the extreme. Seeing China as a market leader and an even bigger up-and-coming world power, they’ve enrolled their kids in Chinese schools. While few would argue that study abroad is bad for kids, giving children little choice over when, where or how they complete their coursework — not to mention taking them thousands of miles from friends and family — reflects more interest in helping them complete their parent’s goals instead. And American parents aren’t the only ones getting in on the action, as parents in Korea recently demanded that children start learning English in first grade rather than second. Global citizenship is an admirable goal, but perhaps not under such high-pressure circumstances.
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Structured free time
Tiger Moms don’t believe in play dates, sleepovers or free time. Sadly, they’re not alone, as today’s children are often overscheduled and overburdened with extracurriculars that take up most (if not all) of their free time. Tufts professor and child development expert David Elkin sees this as a major problem, stating that free play time is essential for shaping developing minds, and kids need time to engage in self-directed activities. Balance, he believes, is essential. Despite his warnings, and those of other professionals (including the American Academy of Pediatrics), the children of Tiger Moms and other like-minded parents may be putting in 20 or more hours for extracurriculars each week and have little play time to themselves.
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Lots of practice time for everything
While the old adage "practice makes perfect" might hold true in many respects, there’s also the concept of "too much of a good thing" balancing it out. Tiger Mom Amy Chua pushes her young girls into three or more hours of practice a night on their musical instruments, with no exceptions for weekends or vacations. While this has resulted in one of her daughters becoming a quite accomplished concert pianist, the other grew so tired of playing her violin, she gave it up in favor of tennis. Chua didn’t allow for breaks — not even to go to the bathroom — during practice time. Music teachers agree this is a bit excessive, and whatever students are practicing will be better accomplished with regular breaks and only 45-minute to 1-hour intervals. Even for students who don’t play an instrument, nightly practice in the form of homework may be hindering their ability to just be kids — an issue that’s come to the forefront of recent educational debates.
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Preparing for college in preschool
Many parents today start grooming kids for college when they’re barely out of diapers — and some even before then. Pushing for kids to get into the best preschools, private schools and prep schools might seem like the best thing, but it can put a lot of undue stress to excel during years when they should be playing and having fun. Think it’s just parents who are getting in on the push? A school in Michigan has asked parents to pick out their top five college preferences when they register students for kindergarten.
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Forgetting about the arts
Tiger Moms like Chua see arts outside of music as a waste of time for students. While many other parents might disagree, the educational system and its funding seem to harmonize with Chua. With recent budget cuts and the economic downturn affecting schools across the nation, the first departments to see major cuts are often those in the arts. Students in many districts no longer get to spend time drawing, painting or acting out plays, as these programs are considered superfluous. What educators and Tiger Parents forget, however, is that creativity can help students not only express themselves, but learn core subjects like math, science and reading with greater ease and enthusiasm.
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A push for perfectionism
To a Tiger Mom, there is no option other than sheer perfection for children. They must excel at everything, have impeccable manners and…well…not act like kids at all. Perfection is a heavy burden to put on a child, but many parents (even those that don’t identify as so-called Tiger Moms) do it every day. Society, in many ways, obsesses over the idea of flawlessness as well, which is perhaps why so many are reluctant to criticize Chua’s pursuit of perfect offspring. This drive for perfection (and the packed schedules and suffering social life that often result from it) put kids and parents alike in a high-pressure situation where any failure or slip up can cause serious emotional trauma. Chua certainly isn’t alone in her high expectations, but that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily right, as many advocates point out it’s perfectly possible to lead a more balanced, less stressful life and still be successful.
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A return to rote learning
While there are some things in life you simply have to memorize, rote learning has long been acknowledged as a less desirable way of teaching children. Yet that doesn’t stop Tiger Moms from drilling their kids day and night on math, vocab and other subjects. This kind of repetition can produce results, but it also discourages creativity and free thinking — two things that are also key factors to a successful career. Some schools are seeing a return to rote, and many parents and educational advocates are on the fence about what this means for students. Ask a Tiger Mom, however, and you’ll get her full support.
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Winning is everything
How much is an ‘A’ worth if you don’t remember what you learned to get it? Will a gold medal really make you feel better than silver if you had to miss out on a friend’s birthday party to earn it? Tiger Moms focus on achievement, marked by test scores, grades and medals, over everything else. But they’re not alone. Today, educational policy rewards schools for doing well in test scores and punishes those who fail to produce results with losses in funding (often the reasons the schools were so poorly performing in the first place). While many criticize those who promote an "everybody is a winner" attitude for children, asking them to win at all costs and pinning their self-esteem and self worth on achievement isn’t always a productive or beneficial system. It has even led to some students committing suicide when they can’t measure up.
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Focusing everything on getting into the best college
Many parents, Tiger and otherwise, consider getting their kids into the best college one of the most important things they’ll ever do. No cost is too outrageous, no obstacle too high. For kids who want to go to a top college and love school, this can be great; but to others pushed into by their parents, it can be less than ideal. In past years, more and more students have headed to college, and the job market is flooded with smart, educated workers. The reality? College isn’t everything, and it’s not a guarantee for success. It is almost always an advantage, but in a tough job market may not be enough. With top schools running $40,000 a year or more, students who aren’t able to find work after college will be in deep financial trouble. Standing out academically may not matter anymore.
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Focus on academics at the expense of other indicators of success and development
More and more parents are pushing for children to read, do math and learn well beyond their cognitive and developmental levels, and the popularity of programs designed to help them do just this has skyrocketed. Having the smartest baby on the block might appeal to Tiger Moms and Dads, but researchers caution that intellectual development isn’t necessarily an indicator of future success. Instead, social, emotional and physical development also play a role in creating a well-rounded and ultimately happy, successful adult. Research has found that kindergarten teachers can correctly guess which students will do well in subsequent grades — and it has nothing to do with getting top scores. Instead, success is measured by how well a child interacts with others, shares and handles frustration– factors Tiger Parents might be downplaying in favor of academic performance.
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