I’m going to level with you – I hate to mow. Much as I love living out in the country and having lots of real estate under my feet, I dread that moment when I notice that I can no longer see my feet when I stand upon it. That’s my moment of truth, my proverbial wake-up call. Time to saddle up and mow ‘em down. The yards, that is – front and back. It’s an all-day affair, with precious little reward beyond the fragrant smell of fresh-cut grass and the gratifying sense that I’ve bought myself another week before I’ll have to do it all over again.
So how will I know when my time has come, you ask? Here are ten signs that it’s time to mow your lawn:
- Here, Kitty. Where’s Kitty? – When watching the neighbor’s cat slink through your yard is reminiscent of a lioness stalking wildebeest on the African prairie in a video from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, chances are good the old Cub Cadet is due out for a spin there, chief.
- Table Dancing – Another good indication that you’re a tad behind on your lawn care duties is when you trip over lawn furniture. Who put that table there? (This has actually happened to me.)
- Need some help? – Lawn care businesses begin stopping by to offer their services to you. Looks like you could use our assistance, sir. We can have this yard looking good in no time.
- Ancient Astronauts – Shortly after your 4-year old does a few laps in the yard on his Big Wheel, you get a voice mail from a local news channel. Something about crop circles.
- The Sinking of the Hendersons – Maybe I’ve been working too many hours at the office, you wonder, or had one too many cold ones by the poolside. But you’re certain that the Hendersons’ house across the street was a two-story Colonial, and you can’t see their front door from here.
- Hey, wait for me! – When the school bus driver passes by without noticing your kids standing at the curb, this too could be an indication that some landscaping is in order.
- Stephen King Lawn Care – And if, once they actually get to school, your kids are referred to by their classmates as Children of the Corn, you may want to set this weekend aside for some mowing.
- Two Flights of the Bumblebee – If you see that bumblebees are pollinating outside your bedroom, on the second floor, you guessed it. Your time has arrived.
- Safari, So Good – Neighbors pay you a visit, wearing pith helmets and brandishing machetes. Subtle, yet effective.
- There you are! – Upon finally taking the hint and heading out to the shed for the lawn mower, you find on its seat, your last month’s issue of Better Homes and Gardens.