Tuesday, August 16, 2011

10 Hilarious Ways to Answer your Phone

If you’re like most people, the sound of a ringing phone can be about as welcome as an alarm clock going off at 3 AM. It’s time to spice up your phone answering techniques and make the task fun for a change. Luckily for you, there are loads of ways for you to put a little humor into picking up that phone. So whether it’s a nuisance call you want to terminate ASAP, or a friend you’d like to toy with, we’ve got some suggestions for you. Here’s a list of 10 hilarious ways to answer your phone:

  1. “Go ahead caller … you’re on the air.” This one is particularly fun for early morning calls. Bonus points if you include your radio station’s call letters in your greeting, along with, “What’s the phrase that pays?”
  2. “Thank you for voting. A charge of $2.99 per minute will appear on your phone bill. Please hang up now.” We recommend this greeting for sales calls. Telemarketers aren’t likely to stick around if they think they’re going to be billed instead of paid.
  3. Put the call on speakerphone, then continue doing what you were doing. This is another one aimed at salespeople. It’s especially fun when you’ve been interrupted during dinner, forcing the caller to contend with dinner table sounds and conversation. “Pass the salt, please … I’m sorry, Mr. Caller, could you repeat that special deal again?”
  4. Metro Morgue. Come on in for a cold one.” OK, so it’s a bit morbid, but I’m sure you know a few callers on whom you’d gladly use this greeting. Naturally, a deadpan delivery is essential.
  5. “Helloooo,” (in a spacey, trance-like voice) “You have reached my telepathic message center. At the tone, please concentrate, and think about your name, number, and reason for your call. When I receive your message, I will think about returning your call.”
  6. “Thank you for calling Amish Furniture Outlet. How can I help you?” (wait for response), “Sorry, but we don’t have phones.” (Click.) While they’re working that one out, check your caller ID for their phone number. Call back and make a sales pitch for Amish furniture.
  7. Keep an air horn near your phone. Makes a great pest repellent. One egregiously persistent telemarketer prompted us to implement this tactic – with very effective results, we might add.
  8. “At the tone, the time will be 8:22 and 30 seconds …” (Press button on microwave.) “At the tone, the time will be 8:22 and 40 seconds …” Pro tip: If it’s a bill collector or telemarketer, be sure to use a different time zone than your own.
  9. “The Mistral blows cold through the Rhone in winter.” (Wait for response, and repeat with increasing emphasis.) After three attempts to elicit the “proper” response, terminate the call with,”The eagle has flown.”
  10. “For English, press one …” Wait for a tone, then speak a made-up language for the remainder of the call.
Taken From Home Phone Service

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