There are few things that can inspire thoughts of vengeance and retribution in otherwise well-mannered people more than the dreaded telemarketer. Who hasn’t at least occasionally imagined ways of giving them their comeuppance? Well, we sure have, and we’re going to share some with you. The following are 10 tricks to play on telemarketers:
- Air horn – Crude, but effective. Use this technique only when you are sure that you are dealing with an actual telemarketer. Recognize that number on caller ID? Reach for your horn, place it near the phone’s mic, and let’ er rip.
- Kill time – They’re taking up your valuable time, so why not turn the tables. Play along with their sales pitch for a while, then tell them to kiss off.
- The Seinfeld Maneuver – Speaking of turning the tables, this technique is another fun way to get your message across in language they can understand.
- TMI – When they ask for personal information, or even how you’re doing today, tell them. Every minute detail of your life. Tell them about your recent surgery, your cat’s allergies, your kid’s grades at school. You’re sure to make friends in no time.
- All Business – Make them think they’ve reached a business number, and answer with a receptionist’s greeting.
- Say What? - Pretend you are hard of hearing, and ask them to speak loudly – very loudly.
- Push His Buttons – Press buttons on your keypad at varying intervals, and don’t acknowledge anything if he asks what those sounds are.
- Que? – Speak in another language. If you aren’t fluent in one, make one up.
- Hold, Please. – Ask them to please hold while you tend to something else (kids, dinner in the oven), then leave the phone, still connected, and go back to whatever you were doing.
- Zap Them – A high-tech alternative is to employ one of these gadgets. You won’t even need to answer the phone, plus your number will be removed from the telemarketer’s calling list.
Or, remember that like yourself, telemarketers are simply doing a job. Say "no thank you" politely and request to be taken off their list. Most reputable companies will be glad to comply (why would they waste time and phone charges on someone who will never do business with them?)
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, the person who calls you has no idea you were sitting down to dinner, bathing your kids, etc, and probably didn't call at that specific time intentionally to piss you off. Explaining politely why you can't tale the call right now, and suggesting another time or a polite explanation that you never buy over the phone will mean both parties walk away happy.
Blowing an air horn into the phone actually constitutes assault. Be aware that even telemarketers are protected by this law. Just saying.
And whether or not humorous little jokes, deliberately initiating nonsense conversations etc "work" depends on your point of view. Usually the telemarketer will welcome this among a long string of rude recipients and will enjoy it as much as you do. Telemarketers have a sense of humor too. I'd suggest, in fact, that this would be the best way to deal with the call.
And btw are you completely sure that there isn't something you do in YOUR job which occasionally pisses people off? Tolerance goes a long way.
Thank you Mr. Smith for the comments.
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