Guys, if you really want to lose that girl, there are some sure-fire steps you can take to make sure she hits the road in a big hurry. If you’re just not that into her, but don’t quite know how to tell her so, you need to try a more indirect, yet creative approach. Here are ten easy ways you can scare off your girlfriend:
- Tell her about your Uncle Elwood, who lives in your parents’ attic. Point out the fact that he’s only allowed out twice a year – Halloween and Valentine’s Day.
- Inform her that your family doesn’t believe in divorce, or breaking up. It’s blood in, blood out.
- Give her a glimpse of the old family tree. Share your collection of mugshots and newspaper clippings in the family photo album.
- Tell her that you can’t wait to get married, so you can have the same relationship with her that you’ve had with your mom.
- Take her to a porn movie on a date. For bonus points, tell her that by bringing a female guest, you’re earning membership points that can be redeemed for valuable prizes.
- While showing her your extensive knife and machete collection, ask her menacingly what her blood type is.
- Make it a point to remind her whenever you go out together that you need to be back home indoors before sunrise.
- Whenever you talk about previous dates or girlfriends, make the sign of the cross and refer to them as “the dearly departed”.
- Wrap your dog’s invisible fence collar around your leg before she comes over. Answer the door wearing shorts, then tell her that you can’t go into details, but you need to stay at home for a while.
- Tell her during a dinner date just how grateful you are to have a real live girlfriend for a change.
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