Though there are many people whose primary goal is to fall in love, there are a sizable portion desperately seeking a way to fall out. Relationships end and people go their separate ways, but the emotions often still remain to haunt us. Here are ten tips for the brokenhearted to start the recovery process.
- Acknowledge Your Feelings – As with any other addiction, the first step to recovery is acceptance. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings, and to also acknowledge the lack of reciprocity on the behalf of your ex.
- Examine Your Incompatibilities – Even the best couples have their stumbling blocks to overcome, but if those obstacles have proven to be insurmountable for you and your former partner, it might be therapeutic to spend some time focusing on the things that made the two of you incompatible. By examining these things objectively, you can remind yourself that the breakup, however painful, was in the best interest of both parties.
- Talk With Your Friends – Oftentimes those closest to us will hide their misgivings about our partners out of respect. After a messy breakup, your nearest and dearest will probably be eager to share their opinions and point out the things that they didn’t like or had concerns about during your relationship. The outside perspective from those who know and love you can help you come to terms with the inevitability of the relationship’s end.
- Keep the Mourning Period Brief – Another essential part of the process is allowing yourself some time to grieve properly, but it’s important to strike a healthy balance. A mourning period that stretches on for too long can quickly become a wallowing period, which is counterproductive to the healing process.
- Institute a No-Contact Rule – Even if you have to go so far as deleting contacts from your phone to prevent late-night calls, it’s essential to stick to a no-contact rule. Ill-advised reconciliation attempts will only prolong the process for both of you, and can be a source of embarrassment later.
- Put Away the Mementos – The collection of memorabilia that comes with an extended relationship might be something you can look back on during nostalgic periods with fondness in the future, but it will only keep you miserable at first. It’s not necessary to throw it all away if you’re averse to the idea, but it is best to pack everything away into storage until you’ve moved on.
- Avoid the Urge to Keep Tabs on Social Networking – Technology has made the self-inflicted agony of keeping tabs on an ex easier than ever, but it’s important to resist the temptation. Whether they’re pining for you or already moving on, anything you see on a Facebook profile or Twitter feed is likely to tear open the wounds that are just beginning to heal.
- Focus on Personal Goals – New relationships have a way of shifting our focus and modifying our goals to accommodate the changes that come with a partner. Getting your priorities back into pre-relationship shape is one of the best ways to get on the road to recovery; rediscovering things that were important and focusing on your own goals will not only get your mind off of a failed relationship, but will improve the quality of your life as well.
- Plan a Mini-Getaway – While certainly not an option for everyone, taking a mini-vacation for a couple of days after a breakup to reflect and re-prioritize in peace can be incredibly helpful. Even if it’s just a trip to the next town over, putting a bit of temporary distance between yourself and the memories that accompany your neighborhood can help you refocus your perspective.
- Try to Be Patient- In the beginning, it often feels like the pain of unrequited love will never fade. Keep in mind that you will eventually move on, and try to be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t always an easy process, but understanding that you will heal one day is essential to the process.
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