10 Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Proctologist

Christmas season will be here before you’ve figured out what to dress up as for the neighbors’ Halloween party, so it’s not too soon to start planning. For instance, what do you get for the man in your life who knows you inside and out? No, not your boyfriend or husband. We’re talking about your proctologist.

Let’s take a moment to consider ten Christmas gift ideas for that special someone, your butt doctor:

1. Beano – Hey, it’s the least you can do to make life rosier for your favorite doctor. A gift-wrapped case of this stuff for his office would do wonders for the, um, ambiance.
2. Hand Warmers – This is the gift that keeps on giving – at least for the next seven hours – for a whole day’s worth of appointments. Your doctor will thank you, and everyone else who is booked after you.
3. Manicure Kit – Think of this as an investment. A gift to yourself, even. Things will go more smoothly for both of you with this thoughtful gift. Nail polish is of course optional.
4. Face Shield – There are occupational hazards inherent to practically every job, and your proctologist is no different. This Christmas, why not help him face the music with confidence?
5. Stick Ups – As a precautionary supplement to the Beano, this gift idea can be a real lifesaver when dealing with patients who raise a stink. They can also double as props for hands-free operation. For the bigger jobs, however …
6. Bottle Jack – Let’s face it, some jobs can be more of a handful than others, and your proctologist needs to keep that other hand free for other things. And to help set the proper mood, you could combine the gift with this one. Or as a change of pace …
7. A Case of Heineken – Then again, he could be a beer man. Hopefully one with a good sense of humor too. So go ahead and treat him to some Heinies he can actually enjoy.
8. Headlamp – You don’t want Dr. Ben Dover to miss anything, so be sure he’s got the proper lighting. As an added bonus, you can select a model with assorted lens colors for a suitable holiday setting.
9. Hand Cream – Here’s another gift idea that benefits everyone. This one makes a good gift combination along with the manicure kit. Bonus points if it contains cornmeal.
10. Shinola – If you think about it, a poster ad for this stuff can serve as a sort of diploma on his wall. It’ll make it clear to all his patients that he knows his job … and the difference.

Taken From Change of Address