Your New Year's resolutions might have included getting more exercise, or going back to school to get your degree. Might we humbly suggest you also take this time of starting things anew by phasing out some of the played-out words in your vocabulary and replacing them with creative alternatives? Don’t feel bad; everyone you know has been guilty of letting a "fail" or an "LOL" slip at least once in a while. But those words are tired. They need a long rest. Here are 50 sophisticated utterances to deploy instead.
Cyber Substitutes
- Supreme: Epic doesn’t mean what you think it means. Use this instead, meaning classic or perfect.
- Blunder: For the love of grammar, "fail" is not a noun. On the other hand, "blunder" works as both a noun and a verb. How supreme.
- Triumph: Instead of "FTW," you can say, "For The Triumph!" We bet you money you can't say it without feeling like Maximus.
- Fidus Achates: More than some internet acquaintance, a fidus Achates ("FEED-us uh-KAH-tays") is a true friend. It's like "BFF" in Latin.
- Fancy: It's only a matter of time before you'll be able to "fancy" a link or status update for which you wish to show appreciation.
- Cachinnate: Forget about laughing your a** off. Tell them you're cachinnating (CACK-in-ate-ing) heartily.
- Woe is me: It sounds a bit like Yoda-ese, but instead of saying FML, go biblical with "woe is me."
- Piquant: If you simply must inform the world how scrumptious the food you are currently eating is, please refrain from saying "nom nom nom." Use this descriptor instead to convey appetizing flavor.
- Baffling: It's too easy to just drop a "WTH" (or some variation) on some activity or news that perplexes you. Why not be baffled?
- Indubitably: The "Really?" ship has sailed. To express ironic dismay, go with, "Indubitably?" Trust us, it's a can't-miss.
- Desultory: Don't be a serial "random"-dropper. If something is unexpected, call it "desultory."
- Ergo: Starting a status update with "so" is nonsensical because "so" means "therefore." But if you're going to use "so" correctly, "ergo" works just as well and makes you sound twice as classy.
Better Buzzwords
- Donjon: Men, have you been relegated to a small segment of the house referred to as your "man cave?" You don’t have to take that. Call it your donjon, like the stronghold of a castle.
- Garrison: "Occupy" has been done to death. Use this if you're moving in and taking over.
- Aspiration: Something that goes on your Bucket List (which hopefully you're not still saying) is an aspiration.
- Pater familias: Bad: "baby daddy." Better: "father." Best: "pater familias."
- Minutiae-peddling: This phrase is our own creation. Since 40% of all tweets are pointless babble, instead of saying "I'm tweeting" you could say, "I'm peddling minutiae."
Underage Upgrades
- Alas: "Oh, snap" is so out. All the cool kids are saying "alas!" after their putdowns.
- Forsooth: All the kids (and some adults) simply adore saying, "I know, right?" Kick it
old schoolArchaic with "forsooth," meaning "indeed." - Jocular: People's eyes glaze over when they read "LOL." Send them scrambling for a dictionary when you reply, "How jocular!"
- Gamin: It means "street urchin," but we can change the meaning to be more neutral if we put our minds to it. After all, we did the same thing with "dude."
- Paraphernalia: Remember the nice officer who referred to your "drug paraphernalia?" That was a fancier way of saying drug stuff.
- Incogitable: To the kids, everything's "wack" or "crazy." But the silver-tongued teenager of 2012 will be sharing his or her disbelief with this mouthful.
Professional Pick-me-ups
- Demiurgic: "Innovative" is the second-most overused resume filler word. Since you're already tooting your own horn, compare yourself to a Gnostic creative deity with this word.
- Ambitious: "Motivated" is another résumé snooze-inducer. Go ahead and say you're ambitious; it'll add a little edge to it that will help you stand out from the pack.
- Assiduous: Don’t bother telling employers you are "dynamic;" everyone they've interviewed has been dynamic. But if you want an original way to tell them you are hardworking, use this.
- Henceforth: For some reason, "going forward" has caught on as a tack-on to the end of serious statements to make them sound more complete. We're not sure how you can go any way but forward, but at least use "henceforth" instead.
- "_________": That's a blank to represent an alternative to saying, "It is what it is." "It is what it is" is the equivalent of saying nothing, thus it has no alternative. Just keep quiet for once instead.
- Pandemic: Sure, a video can go viral by getting a few million clicks. But aim higher for your company; shoot for a billion clicks. People will be forced to admit your work has gone pandemic.
- Withal: You're not still using "irregardless" are you? Make the point of "nevertheless" with withal, a great word that people will think you misspelled.
- Veritably: Love, Actually would have been so much more original if it had been called "Love, Veritably."
- Impetus: When you execs talk about giving your employees an impetus, you might be discussing raises or donuts in the break room or some other motivational tool.
Romantic Retools
- Cherish: Take a lesson from The Association and discover another way to say "I love you."
- Paragon: Tell your girlfriend she is a paragon of beauty and you'll score major brownie points once she's looked it up.
- Pulchritudinous: …Or you could call her "pulchritudinous." How fantastic is that word? Of course, you will have to quickly assure her it's a compliment.
- Recherché: Your wife's dress isn’t just elegant, it's exquisite, refined, exotic… recherché.
- Despondent: Sad is what you are when you spill wine on your pants. When your baby leaves you high and dry in the cold, cruel world, you're despondent.
- Loathe: People say "hate" is a strong word, but it's got nothing on "loathe."
- Abjure: There's no doubt saying you "dumped" someone is colorful, but if you want to say it in style and with authority, say you abjured that cheatin' man.
- Yearn: Do justice to your desire to possess that special someone. You don't want to date them, you yearn for them.
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